Maadi-ites - totally a real word - are a stationary bunch and prefer not to leave the leafy suburb for anything short of work or another episode of Prison Break: the Torah edition. They also like to play their cards close to their chests and keep their nightspots a secret, but then the Tap happened and outsiders started descending like deranged alcoholic locusts and everything changed.

Here’s our guide to the ULTIMATE MAADI PUB CRAWL EXPERIENCE. Be the champ your liver doesn’t want you to be.

THE TAP
17, Road 257, opposite Olympic Club

This is the place to start because, honestly, it’s the nicest one to be at sober. Order a giant beer tap to warm you up. Maybe even catch a quick game of  fussball while you still have control of your faculties.

RED ONION
27a, Road 276, Maadi

Expat central; the watering hole of international school teachers everywhere. Beware of unending conversations with PE teachers. Order something bottled.

THE TIPSY TEAPOT
43, Street 17

The closest thing in Cairo to a charming dive bar, Tipsy Teapot serves alcohol upstairs & shisha downstairs. Upstairs is a surprisingly pleasant mix between a 1950s boudoir and what I imagine the inside of a vanity box looks like, downstairs is an unkempt 'garden'. Order ‘Coffee with a Kick” (it actually feels like you’ve been kicked in the gut) or “Teapot Sangria” (you’ll feel like the Queen).

VILLA 55/ PUB 55
55, Road 9

Now onto the Road 9 part of our shenanigans. This is a 2-in-1. You can have drinks downstairs in Pub 55 or upstairs in Villa on the Terrace. They’re lovely and give you popcorn and other finger-foods for free. Potentially the best shisha spot in Maadi. Order a Bloody Mary.

MERMAID
77, Road 9

Mermaid is a solid addition to the list as a respected restaurant in its own right - try the chicken pane, thank me later - it also serves beer. Order beer.  

LAN YUAN
84, Road 9

Hopefully, when you get there, you will be well and truly slizzered and won’t notice your surroundings. If you’re aiming for a truly authentic, if slightly dangerous, Maadi experience, order Malvado tequila – made in Egypt.  

MASSOUD
 85, Road 9

Yes, this is not a 'bar' per se, but Massoud has been the savior of many during Ramadan and integral to the Maadi community. Buy booze in black plastic bags and carry on to our final destination...

THE ‘KNOLL’
The garden with a random staircase in it behind McDonald's Road 9

This is essentially a set of steps that lead to nowhere in the middle of a ‘street’ garden off the back of Road 9. Many a teenager has gone there to drink/do other things. You must drink your supermarket bought booze in the black plastic bags they’ve come in. Try not to get confused for a hobo or get arrested. 

Happy drinking, fellow drinkers!

By: Noor Salama