I'm not sure why, but nothing gives me more pleasure than the thought of young, hopeful, wide-eyed Egyptians shooting each other in the face while running around looking like something out of that one first-person war shooting game thing that everyone seems to love.

That's why I've put my name to the upcoming Idea Paintball Tournament for Private Universities in what is shaping up to be closest thing to that one book-turned-film where kids have to kill each other to survive, that everyone seems to love.